Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
