You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
