Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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