It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
