you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
