Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My pussy is not your playground.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
