take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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