I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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