just tell him i said nine months
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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