He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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