he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
