i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize