You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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