I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
