I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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