I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
