I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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