WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
