he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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