nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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