The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
