fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
