he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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