TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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