1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize