my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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