Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize