If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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