I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
