This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
