Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
