Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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