Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize