So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
