Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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