i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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