So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
