i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
