Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
