I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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