i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
