I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
