All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
