I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
