Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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