Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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