If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
