I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
