I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
