so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
