I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
