Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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