sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
