we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
