Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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