I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize