My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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