Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
third nipple confirmed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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