remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The air was thick with penises
I will pee on everything he values.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
