If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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