We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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