so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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