forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
