What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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