when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
