Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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