so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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