I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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