we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When are your genitals available?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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