no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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