i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
