Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
