he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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