I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
