it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
