You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize