I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
