Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
