i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
