then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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