you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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