Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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