I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
