just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
